Intern Inbox: The GREATEST e-mail that I have ever received at Playboy.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

No need for an explanation. Please just read on...


Hey bud,
David (Sides) came over after he had lunch with you, I didn't get his text that he was here until I woke up at 1.
I went to The Box last night and it was the craziest thing I have ever seen. A girl queefed as conducted by a midget, and an R Kelly impersonator pissed into some girls pussy and she squirted it back out. I was there til 5 this morning just in shock and awe, I'll have to tell you all about it.
Also, I'm booked to go to Vegas later this month for labor day weekend... I know you were planning on September...


This e-mail was received from one of our On-Campus Representatives.

Thanks Willem, I did not eat lunch today.

Lunch Break with a Playboy Intern: I hate tourists.

Behold: The Devil's Lair Ambercrombie & Fitch

Abercrombie & Fitch is a clothing brand that sells American attire. The flagship store of Abercrombie & Fitch is right next to our office. Therefore, when tourists come here to New York (every day), that place gets ridiculously packed. What the hell kind of name is Ambercrombie & Fitch anyway? The above image is of the crowd at the store on a stormy day.

When I go to lunch everyday, I have to walk through this obstacle course/gauntlet and it drives me crazy. People just stand there and look at the store and do not move. They are not in line. They are not busy. They are rude and push their way to get from point A to point B. When everyone is walking on one side of the sidewalk, they walk to opposite direction just to try to be a pain in the ass (successful). They are annoying and I swear: before my last day at Playboy, I will punch a tourist in their face. It will hurt them...a lot.

I will aim for their jaw. This way, when I say "excuse me", they can't look at me like they don't know English and then talk to other people in English. I am offering the keys to my house to anyone who can walk back and forth from that place three times in one day without wanting to give a nice backhand to someone.

Salt on the wound: The place smells like someone drank a bottle of cologne and pissed all over the place.

Damn you, Abercrombie & Fitch. I never liked flip flops, anyway.

Playboy Intern Tasks: Organizing Events for the Big 10

Since 1977, Playboy has been featuring a "Girls Of..." pictorial once each year. This feature has highlighted models from specific sports conferences or party schools. This year, Playboy will be featuring The Girls of the Big 10.Playboy's "Girls Of..." pictorial has actually started with the Girls of the Big 10 when the feature first began. Here we are, 31 years later: same conference...less bush.

From Girls of the Big 10 in the 80s

The College Marketing Department will be traveling to three colleges from the Big 10. I will be assisting the remaining eight campuses in also having successful events.

Week 2: Playboy Playmates vs. Playboy Cybergirls.

Tale of the Tape

Name: Monica Leigh

Age: 26

Measurements: 36C -24 -36

Height: 5'6"

Where you've seen her:

Cyber Girl

Miss March 2006

VS.

Name: Aubrie Lemon

Age: 29

Measurements: 36C-25 - 35

Height: 5'9"

Where you've seen her:

Deal or No Deal

Playboy

Week 1 Results: Playmates vs. Cyber Girls.

As of Wednesday, August 6th, 2008...

The people have spoken:

56% of you would rather "play" with Shannon James

44% of you would rather "play" with Megan Hauserman

TGIF: Lunch Break with the Playboy Intern.

It's Friday. I feel lazy. I feel tired. Every minute feels like an hour. There is almost nobody here at the office. Today I am working on finding places to market the upcoming September issue and I am also brainstorming for our Big 10 Events. In Playboy's October issue, "the Girls of the Big 10" will be featured.

It's a slower day and the weather is crappy as hell. I took lunch around 2:00 and saw this ridiculously good looking girl. (I'm an ass guy, so if I saw ridiculously good looking, it usually means that all I saw was her ass). She was like 5'7" and had on the biggest sunglasses (and something[s] else) I've ever seen. I gave her a smile like I meant it and she took off her sunglasses and smiled back. I am no pedaphile, but Fuck! The shape-shifter went from being a smoking hot girl to a fifteen your old. Since when do fifteen year olds grow to be 5'7" with full C cups?

I blame (and kinda thank) Miley Cyrus, damn it!

Stop looking at fifteen year olds!...

Perv!

...I am never having a daughter.